Datus Hiatus still in full effect. Well for me anyway. Across town, my friend Alexis is having her own personal man revival. "The drought is over!" she exclaimed as she ran blissfully a muck in the city's downpour of eligible men. One man she is seeing is a young hottie who plays in a rock band (this means the lucky girl gets a song written about her). Another is a martial arts god ("pin me to the floor, baby"), and the third is into Michelin star rated food as he picked her up at Range last night. When it rains men, it pours! Alexis is making us all proud by perfecting the art of juggling. Maybe I'll take lessons. In the meantime I seem to need to deal with some lingering issues from the past before I jump back in.
It seems as if ex boyfriends or ex datees (you know, the guy you had a few dates before one of you hastily disappeared) have come out from fog hibernation. The past drama of how these short little relationships ended has come back to haunt me. You can't hide from the immaturity of your past.......
Last week while walking down Chestnut minding my own business I had my first spotting. Ex datee Chris was rounding the corner. Why did I start to sprint away in mortification? Well, I had ended a few weeks of dating Chris with some lame excuse that I had a...um...er...terminal illness. Hey, you never know about those moles! In all honesty I was very hypochondriac like at the time. My doctor found a suspicious looking spot. It was my first suspicious looking spot and worthy of a panic. And Chris was so nice and wonderful I couldn't think of any other reason than a terminal illness to end it. I know I know, bad, bad, TERRIBLE form and I am paying the price with years of dating misery as penance.
Ex datee Paul was spotted in Whole Foods. I never really ended any dating session with Paul. Rather he ended it for me as I caught myself saying over a fancy California style dinner 'I cannot believe we are allowing ourselves to spend so much money on this food. I mean how can you enjoy your fois gras with the situation in Dafur right now? You do know what's happening in Dafur, don't you?" I remember shaking my head in dismay. Why did I say that? Please, someone tell me? It's been years since I watched one of those Ethiopia infomercials. And it wasn't all that long ago that I wrote a review on Yelp for French Laundry. I hid in the produce aisle til he left.
Ex Datee John was the worst. I spotted him in a plane ride back from a work engagement. There was no where to hide and he was sitting across the aisle. John and I stopped dating after on date #3 (that annoyingly meaningful date). I insisted on bringing my friend Mazz along for the ride. I had overbooked myself and in all honesty wasn't sure if I could handle the man alone. It was a menage a trois dinner and totally uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable when he and Mazz got in a heated political discussion. The meal ended with tempers flaring and a huge bill. So when I saw John on United flight 070, I decided to pretend to be very engrossed in my book.
Yes, I have the dating maturity of a 12 year old. Not only should I have ended those dates with more finesse and honesty, but I also should be diplomatic enough to say hello when I see them again. Why does hiding always seem like a good option? Why do I have a collection of fake wigs and glasses in my closet? Ugh. Time to be real. I am hoping my datus hiatus will give me the reflection time I need to act in my age category. I may also enroll in finishing school....
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