Re-entering the Scene

San Francisco-the scene of leftism politics, startup billionaires, metrosexual triathletes, and fantastic parties for the well-heeled. I had left my scene, and my entire wardrobe for that matter, to take a personal sabbatical around the world. I hopped from developing country to developing country and even spent some time Ohming in an ashram. I felt changed, at peace, and utterly ready to return to San Francisco as a new person. A BETTER person. And, after months of celibacy, this better person was ready to hit the dating scene full on.

Sadly, I think I spent too much time in the ashram. I re-entered the city lost and confused. It was moving too fast. Dating was cyber, cocktails always doubles (where did my tolerance go?), and everyone was training for some kind of race (either a marathon or speed dating). Determined not to be a fish out of water in my own pond, I decided to re-learn and re-claim my city. Out with my Ohm chanting books. I fumbled through my closet, re-located the Jimmy Choos, my black dress collection, and my eyeliner and leaped outside into the foggy air.....

This was NOT as easy as I expected. Especially anything resembling dating.

As I recall from my pre-ashram days the men of San Francisco came in four types:

1. The wealthy dot-commer athlete
2. The sensitive ponytail man
3. The sensitive pony tail man trying to achieve wealthy dot-commer athlete status
4. Gay

Not a lot of options, are there?

Outing A: First Saturday night out in a dress! A motley group of us headed out to the trendy Tenderloin bars. One male seemed to um...like my dress. He was in a typical Type 1. Sadly, Type 1 guys know they are in high demand and act like oversized 5 year olds used to getting whatever they want. I could feel myself being honed in on. Ack! I couldn't deal with the dialed up attention. Especially after months of celibate chanting. My girlfriend Alexis watched me pulled to the dance floor, recognized my signature "yes no yes no yes no" dance and asked me if I wanted to stay or go. I was confused. What ever happened to old fashioned courting when a guy kisses your hand and then discreetly asks for your phone number? Why now is it acceptable for a man to grab your ass in a club as a sign of endearment? Sigh.

Outing B: A date. Yes I had a date. Not with Type 1 mentioned above but with a more discreet chatty man. Very chatty. For two hours we spoke about his new start up venture. Somehow we agreed that I could help him with some sales leads and branding efforts. The date ended not with a kiss but rather with a handshake and a contract. What I thought was a date had ended as a business deal. Do I look like Hillary Clinton? I know we all say we want a guy to like us for our brains...but really... What's the point of me slaving away in spin class if they don't notice my...er...other attributes as well?

Obviously I was doing something wrong. I had been out of the SF scene for too long. I needed to make changes and fast. Attitude, style....bras?? On my way to look at new bikes to purchase for an upcoming triathalon (what better way to meet muscled men than by joining this activity?) I spotted a sale at a French Lingerie store. "Bastille Day celebration- 30% off until the 16th." The 16th?! Why this was tomorrow! I would save myself money if I shopped now. I hastily spent a portion of my bike money on undergarments. Afterall, I have always been a believer in "It's not what's on the outside, but what is on the inside that counts." And now feeling indeed beautiful on the inside, attitude changing, I strut off again in the fog....hoping for a bit more success as the week unfolds.