Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sniffing out the right one

The melancholic drizzle I wrote on Sunday haunts me. I must have been wearing flat shoes all week because there certainly wasn't much spring in my step. Sure, sure love hurts, but did I really pretend to be a mute Estonian to an attractive man? Sigh. Well, no matter. The sass in this lass is back. (Head toss).

How do I love thee? Let me count the whiffs....
And with sass intact I am putting my Datus Hiatus on its own sabbatical to get down and dirty. It's time to take a few risks. However, before I start the arduous task of dating again, how do I know which type of man to pursue? A friend forwarded me an article on how the birth control pill messes with our sense of smell and thus makes us women actually CHOOSE the wrong type of man! The article states that for some reason the pill disables some type of "smell receptor" that usually makes us select a man that is uniquely compatible with our smell. Selecting a mate based on smell pheromones is a bizarre concept to begin with....Love at first whiff?? But according to scientific proof, it's sound. And also according to science, women on the pill usually pick a man whose smell is WRONG for them. What? So this has been my issue for the past 10 years? I knew something always smelled funny.......


But what ARE the right types of men anyway? Besides a musky odor to get our blood pumping, what should we be looking for? Quiet and intellectual? Gregarious and worldly? And most importantly, in looking for a relationship, do we need more passion or stability? For some odd reason, they rarely seem to come together. I wonder what my olfactory system has to say.

What smells better: Passion vs. Stability
As you may recall, Alexis still had her two men in the palm of her hand. The band boy/tech start up /Mister Spontaneous AND the banker/professional/plans out dates in an excel spreadsheet guy.

In terms of the stability quotient of the two men, Excel man clearly wins. He is established in his career and social scene. As far as long term relationship material, he has stated (yes, outloud) that he longs for 'something serious.' He wrote the book on chivalrous dating (It's on Amazon), and has a bank account that can afford one if not two houses with white picket fences.

Band Boy, on the other hand, is just starting out. His company and band make him work unpredictable hours. Dates are often planned two minutes beforehand if at all. He may or may not be seeing other people. He's more fun than you can shake a stick at but you just never know when that shake is coming.

However, when it comes to the passion quotient, Band Boy takes the lead. 'I can barely sit across the dinner table without jumping over and ripping off his clothes." says Alexis. Their first make out session? "Hot Hot HOT." The first make out session with Excel guy? "Umm, it was nice."

So what's a girl to do? Since our smell receptors are out of whack, is there an obvious choice? Do we go for stability and hope that passion develops? Perhaps after two years of stable dating, Excel man will turn into a caballo de sucio amor (dirty love horse). I can see it already. On their usual drive to Sonoma while listening to NPR, Excel man feels fire overcome his loins. He abruptly pulls the car over to the side of the road, changes the channel to D'Angelo, and makes wild love to Alexis in the car by the Sonoma mini mart in front of surprised tourists. Passion will be ignited for the remainder of their years and Alexis will be fulfilled.

Or perhaps Passion in the better choice to start with. Alexis just has to endure two years while Band boy figures out his place in life. Of course, she'll be assured of a lot of fun, laughs, and orgasms until that happens. And then during a typical passionate interlude up against a chain link fence, Band boy will spontaneously drop that he wants to work less, settle down, get a dog, and start being passionate in 800 count sheets in a house in the suburbs. He'll declare 'Let's move in together!'

It's a tough call. I personally like chain link fences. But waiting for seriousness can also take the fun out of fun. At least at this age. If only we could trust our noses........

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