Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The One You Straddle

J, my spin class instructor, had encouraged me to purchase the best bike possible for my upcoming triathlon. "Hey, you don't want to skimp on anything you'll be straddling in between your legs for a few hours."

How true.

This straddling logic obviously applies to dating as well. I know in a previous post I mentioned that women were becoming more casual about relationships. This is true. But we also have become much pickier about who we are casual (or not) with. In terms of 'straddle potential', the bar has been raised. As we become older not only do our disposable incomes go up, so do our expectations of what we want out of the opposite sex. The 20s were a time for skimping and making those grave mistakes (like dropping everything to move to Europe to share a studio apt with a sexy PhD student, ahem). The 30s are a time for learning from them and stepping up the ante.

Alexis, the juggling diva, had narrowed her selection down to two eligible bachelors. Both successful men with biceps. But one was the young boy band guitarist who makes her laugh with spontaneous gestures and suggested smoking out on the second date. The other was the older more chivalrous 'got it together' guy who practically had their date itinerary mapped out in an excel spreadsheet. Not that we want MS office in romance, but some plans are nice, no? Spontaneity of Bachelor #1 is intriguing. But we are not 25 anymore. As we get older the whole "What dinner reservations? I thought we'd just grab something" is less compelling.

Unlike most men, women (the women on top) don't just sleep with someone because they think they are sexy. (Ok, ok, except maybe on surf vacations with men with accents....but that's IT!) There has to be a bit more going on to convince us it's all worth it.

My girlfriends and I decided to list out a few of the top 'Straddle Potential' areas. Male readers--read up. It could make the difference in where you spend next Saturday night.

So You Want to be Straddled?

1. If you are going to be spontaneous be good at it. I personally would swoon for someone who took me to the local Taqueria after we got random tickets to the Elbo Room on a whim. However I would not be cool with walking from restaurant to restaurant to see which one had the shortest wait list. After 4 stops my ravenous stomach would rather have me straddle the Maitre D than you.

2. Decent shoes. It's so true. Women have 200 pairs. Men have 4. You can afford to spend a bit of money on them. It doesn't necessarily mean you are cheap if you don't.....but why run the risk. Invest in a fashion consultant if necessary. Square toed Kenneth Coles with that lucky Irish buckle thing are not going to get you straddled.

3. Games are so 2002. When you wait exactly three days to call it seems as if you have been reading 'the rules'. If you like us, shoot us an email the next day. We liked to be liked. And the more you show you are into us in between dates, the higher your chance of being straddled on the next one. We may be so excited to see you that we won't even wait until that infamous date #3 (also part of the rules). Otherwise we'll move on to the next guy.

4. Wheels. 'Do the wheels make you lucky' is an eternal debate. I, myself, am not a car person. My own has dents and a decaying surf rack on top. As long as it's clean, maintained (oh and ideally has seat warmers on the passenger side) I could care less. But some girls care more. Mazz was once picked up for a date by a guy on a bicycle (as in Schwinn) with a basket. This traumatized her to the point of near cancellation. Another guy took her to Napa on a BMW motorcycle. He scored. Literally.

5. Talk about cool things that inspire us. Usually we like to talk about ourselves. But if you want to be straddled you have to let a few cool things slip about you too. We want to be intrigued. "Ohhhh I never knew that this successful businessman once volunteered in Uganda with one armed children..." Or that perhaps you are a sommelier on the side. Or sing a really good rendition of the Backstreet Boys to Karaoke. After all, if we are adding another notch to our bedpost it might as well be an interesting one.

Female readers, if you have more straddle criteria to add, by all means please do so. Let's help them in order to help us....obviously it's been a while since I have found anything decent to straddle outside of my road bike.

1 comment:

Monica said...
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