Sunday, August 24, 2008

Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into (the backseat of) My Car

Fantasies. Dreams. Crushes. We have all had them. They are an innocent way of letting our libido go on overdrive without suffering any negative consequence.

In my attempt to take risk full on and embrace love, I think I have had 20 crushes this week alone. I told my friend Holly, the ueber sexual diva (and divorced mother of one), my stories.

"Shoe girl," she replied, "we have to seize control of this. You cannot just go having simple "do nothing" crushes on men while you have orgasms doing situps at the gym. We need to find you a suitable specimen to have MORE than just a fake relationship with".

Orgasms at the gym?!!! I have no idea what Holly was talking about although I have noticed a new line for the leg raise / abdominal contraption in the Sportsclub LA. Apparently the secret was out. Women are choosing pleasure from the gym as opposed to
waiting around for the perfect man.

Do women prefer fantasy over reality? Is making up a man in your head better than the real deal?

I decided to poll the women waiting in line.

"Mr. Right doesn't exist. It's better to realize that now and find other ways of satisfying yourself. Personally, I like to think about men with British accents..."

"I think you can find the perfect balance of passion and stability in one man. But until it happens, what is wrong with a few extra situps each week? You are just preparing yourself for the future..."

" I HAVE found the perfect man. Jake and I are engaged. Why am I in this sit-up line do you ask? Well, I still have this fantasy about the Peets Coffee guy...I love Jake but I cannot get the coffee man out of my head. What's wrong with a casual fantasy?"

While sit ups seem a safe outlet for many women, Holly disagrees with the whole fantasy concept. 'What you need, Shoegirl, is the real deal. No situps. No toys. And NONE of that overactive imagination of yours."

While out at one of the three bars we frequent, Holly urged me to finally make a pass at the cute bartender that gives me free drinks every Friday night.

"He's obviously into you, thinks you are 27, and would be a stallion in the bedroom. We need to end your time in the Sahara dating desert with a bang. No pun intended, " Holly said coyly.

A fling with a bartender?! Sure he was cute but what on earth would we talk about? Top shelf vodka?

Holly retorted, "Why do you need to waste time talking anyway?"

Holly pushed me over the bar to talk to the young handsome cocktail maven. But I couldn't do more than the usual chitchat. In this case, I think fantasies are better reserved for the mind. Who wants to be disappointed in the morning sunlight? I would rather pretend that my Romanesque bartender was fluent in latin, knew how to tango and had a patent on a new version of ipod software than accept the obvious. And most importantly, when the fling ended, would he still offer me free drinks?

And the 19 other crushes? Soon enough reality will overtake fantasy. Most will fall out (ex. Jack Johnson-he's married), but cannot some men live up to the vision in my mind? Is it silly to still expect near perfection? (Although my definition of perfection has become more lax over the years. Right now it's a literate man who know what gnocchi is and can beat me arm wrestling). But I have cast a wide net, and if I have chosen my fishes wisely the reality for at least 2 of the 19 will be about as good as the dreams. Yes, that means that hopefully some will materialize into more than situps. Stay tuned.....


Anonymous said...

Shoe Girl-

I read the headline to this entry and panicked for a second as I initially thought you were writing about my lastest sexual escapade. weren't.

Here is something I those men who make guest appearances in your dream ever materialize in real life? I think the reason we have crushes and fantasies and turn brief encounters with real guys into the relationship of the century in our heads is 'cause we are scared they will not live up to our dreams.

How often have we developed psychotic crushes on someone we had ONE singular encounter with? And after you part ways, he becomes your Everything in your head. You don't really want to pursue anything with him in real life, because in all reality he will end up letting you down. He will have smelly feet, act like an immature frat boy and not call you the next day, or end up being a terrible skiier. And that would be too much to handle.


Shoe Girl said...

Ahem. Are you referring to the man I may or may not have sent a photo collage of myself to? All too true mazz......fantasies are much safer and always a fun way to occupy the time. But then risk, no reward....the trouble is knowing which one is worth taking the risk for.

Lucy said...

Yes yes those crushes. I love them for the imaginative escapades and hate them for the distraction. But I think its far better to keep reality in check i.e. who you are really willing to take home and allow the crushes some breathing room. Besides, it strengthens imagination and that can always be literally applied later on. As for my own crush, I may still be in the yes-no-yes-no-yes-NO! stage but it's in check and continues to make work thoroughly more entertaining.