Friday, March 6, 2009

When to Do the Deed


I was having a typical Friday happy hour in San Francisco—sipping overpriced bubbly and talking to well-heeled girls about dating wows and woes.

Jackie was perplexed. “I really like Alex,” she said. “We have been out several times laughing and smiling…but I am very hesitant to spend the night with him. I am fearful that once we sleep together he will lose interest.”

What?! Even though Jackie’s loins were aching to give Alex more, her carefully guarded mind wouldn’t let her for fear of being regarded as an “easy target” and immediately dismissed from relationship status.

But why? If two people are having fun, why wouldn’t the man want that to continue after sex? And if the sex is good wouldn’t that be all the more reason to come back for more?

Why is sex a trump card that can potentially end the game?


Alexis told her, “Jackie, I think you need to stop worrying. It seems like he genuinely likes you. And if you are aching to get naked, by all means give in to the seduction of the moment! I bet he’ll want MORE of you.”

I chimed in, “Yes, we shouldn’t have to deprive ourselves just because some an old fashioned woman with cobwebby loins wrote the book 'The Rules' and frightened us to frigidity.”

But I later realized that my words were only vacant mutterings.

With all our bags of experiences, giving in to the moment is increasingly challenging.

My 3rd encounter with an unnamed young man ended at my place at 2 in the morning. I was very excited to get this hot specimen all to myself. Now exactly what to do? Plan A: Show him my shoe collection. Plan B: Attack.

Plan B was initiated before we even closed the door. After all, weren’t walls invented to be slammed up against? However, executing the plan beyond the wall slam maneuver was easier said then done. Sometime during the bedroom tussle, my sex savvy faltered as Jackie’s words entered my mind. I was trapped in a scene from the movie “Love Actually” where the neurotic woman finally gets the hot guy (Carl) in her bedroom…only to be overly distracted from lovemaking by the constant chime of her phone ringing.

I had my own phone ringing—the crazy wheels of my mind. Although I appeared to be kissing I was really writing a list of profound questions in my brain.

1-What would happen the next morning? Would I still be able to make my morning spin class? Or would there be lingering? Is there a breakfast obligation?

2-Was I giving in too soon? Is a hot 2am hookup really saying sayonara to any form of relationship? But did I even want a relationship?

3-And regardless of relationship, if I were going to "do the deed" what was my assurance that it would be any good? What if he was a “wham bam thank you ma’am” type of guy? I certainly didn’t want to add another notch to my bedpost for a one-time 4 minute encounter.

Sigh. I certainly wasn’t going to solve the world’s problems that night. But the next day I made a new commitment to myself. Shut off the brain. Enjoy the moment. And pretend you are in love—even if it’s just for a few hours. If the man still leaves after an evening of sordid seduction, he wasn’t going to stay in the first place.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

"If the man still leaves after an evening of sordid seduction, he wasn’t going to stay in the first place."

This SOOOOO true. we can't get all caught up about worrying what's too fast, what's too slow, how we look, oops should I have said that.

If a guy really likes you, he likes you and sticks around. That simple. If he doesn't, you are better off being set free to find a good guy that will accept you as you are, including your penchant for hot steamy encounters!

Anonymous said...

Two consenting adults having sex to fulfill an animalistic desire is okay. Two consenting adults having sex with undisclosed expectations demonstrates a lack of communication and a lack of social maturity. Does she really know what she wants? Did they discuss what they want and do they want the same things? What makes her attracted to him besides pure animalistic desire? Dancing with a broom is something a child does. True enlightenment, balance and happiness happen when you rise above the most basic animalistic instincts. But circumstances in life can keep pulling us down to this lowest level. There does not need to be any ambiguity the next morning. If they are both open and honest, they can discuss every question that is asked in the post. If they can’t, they are both socially immature. She seems focused on animalistic desire. If that’s his focus too, then she should not be disappointed if he doesn’t call again because they both got what they wanted.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #2 assumes that Juliet gave into animalistic desire....as opposed to opting to just sit it out and let her mind whirl all evening, paralyzed by indecision.

Although #2 makes a very good point about ensuring two people have the same expectations for the evening, living in the moment and freeing oneself from worry and social mores also has merit. Perhaps one just need to do what one wants BEFORE they get into sticky situations...

And dancing with a broom may be childish--but if we all allowed ourselves to become children again and enjoy simple pleasures with silliness, we may indeed be a lot happier.

Jeb said...

I agree with Anonymous 2 about communication but Anonymous 3 re being a child...

I think Enlightenment is having a complete conscious understanding of the world and yet experiencing the world “as a child” in all its wonder with openness, inhibition and love/energy.